“I Would Go Gay For You” FREE download!

Hey Curlfriends!

Lookee!  You can have the Curls in all their glory on your electronic music player of your choice.

And why doncha invite the parents over for a Sing-A-Long??

Tickets Selling Fast For Oct. 27 Show at Amsterdam!

Y’alls!  Apparently… well, read the title of this post.

We have the inside scoop and so we wanted to give you Curlfriends and McLeaniacs a little heads-up.  Click here to get your $15 tickets online.

Yes, there will still be $20 tickets available at the door.  But if we sell 150 pre-sale tickets (almost there!), the show gets the WHOLE of Amsterdam Bar & Hall, not just the Hall.  Like, the wall comes down and we get to pack the place full with people that love pasties and dirty lyrics just as much as you.  Plus, it’s $5 savings.  Which means that’s a whole rail drink and tip (whether you buy it for a Dirty Curl or not is your choice, but what a lovely gift, eh?).

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers.

In Court’s email inbox this morning, a personal recommendation for this fine piece of writing welcoming us to autumn from the amazing Gina Louise from Playful Peacock Showgirl Academy and Lili’s Burlesque Review.

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers.

By Colin Nissan 

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.

I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”

Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff’rent Strokes—specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they’re both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that’s upsetting, but I’m not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.

The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it’s fall, fuckers.

Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you’re going to fucking love my house. Just look where you’re walking or you’ll get KO’d by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you’re going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.

For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.

Welcome to autumn, fuckheads! 

(This originally appeared in McSweeney’s)

 

BABY CURL!

As some of you may or may not have noticed, our dear Cherry Mae was very pregnant in the “Gay For You” video. (Click here to be reminded! Or just scroll down) Well, we have a new Dirty Curl, people! A BABY CURL!

Baby Maya! Born on her due date, Sept. 3, at a whopping 8 pounds and something. Isn’t she SO FREAKIN’ CUTE???  She was seriously the cutest newborn I’ve ever seen.  We may have to update the lyrics of “Baby Becomes Legal.”

Maya Curl!

One of us made another human being. The next generation has so much hope.

The Dirty Curls on “Open Wide!”

Veldie, Anna, and I the other day joined local improv comedian and writer Emily Schmidt in her bed for her post-jaw surgery talk show, “Open Wide!”  A great time was had by all.  Watch it, yo!